One person in every couple that stays married will lose their spouse to death and according to the Holmes and Raye Stress Scale, being widowed is 100 on a scale of 0 to 100. No other loss is that devastating, and until it happens to you, one cannot imagine the life changing impact. That’s where WPAC (Widowed Persons Association of California) comes in.

In the thirty years that WPAC, which started in Sacramento, has been in existence, thousands of widows and widowers have gone through their six-week Grief Recovery Workshops. With this free, non-denominational program, they found that they could laugh and enjoy life again.

There are many bereavement groups in the Sacramento area. Some are better than others, but most deal with the loss of any loved one, even pets. When you have lost the love of your life, and someone you have lived with, probably for decades, it is hard to relate with the people in those groups.

The leaders of the WPAC program are not professionals, but many professionals refer people to them because they know how valuable going through their bereavement program and relating to others who have gone through the same trauma can be. All the trained facilitators and speakers in these workshops and are widowed. Only someone who is also widowed could understand and empathize with the pain that the participants have.

Beginning with the first week of a workshop, the subject is: “Understanding Grief.” In this session, the typical symptoms usually experience by those widowed, is discussed. Some of those symptoms are: inability to sleep, memory loss, feeling like their mind is in a fog, not being able to read and comprehend a paragraph, being confused, feeling lost, lonely and more. Because of some of these symptoms, wondering if they are going crazy is something that many of those who attend the first week of the workshops report. Finding that other people feel the same way is a relief, and relating to those on the same journey of recovery from grief is comforting.

“Coping With Stress” is the subject of the second week. Whether it is the stress of a long drawn out illness, and caring for their dying spouse, or the shock of a sudden and unexpected death, stress is something that has to be dealt with. Not only can it increase blood pressure, stress can actually change a person’s blood chemistry, and lower their immunity. If it does not cause illness, stress can make it harder to fight off illness.

Another thing that people who have lost their spouse to death usually experience, is that married friends they had, will at first express sympathy, and probably keep in touch for a few weeks, then tend to drift away, not knowing what to do with, or say to the now single half of the couple they knew. Even if the widowed friend is included in their activities, he or she will feel like a fifth wheel around couples. In fact noticing that almost every other adult seems to be married emphasizes the fact that they are now alone.

The third week of a workshop, “Changing Roles and Relationships,” covers that subject along with many other changes that the widowed person must face. One of the hardest things for the newly widowed person to accept is that their spouse is actually dead, and they are not just having a bad dream.

“Rebuilding Your Life and Moving On,” is the fourth subject that a workshop covers. Rebuilding is the correct term, because when someone is widowed, the life that they lived with their now deceased spouse no longer exists. One day they were half of a couple, the next day that couple is gone. Starting over is not easy, but with the help of WPAC, they can do it.

The fifth week of these workshops is a review and evaluations of the program. We want to know what the people who go through the workshops think, and if they have suggestions for any changes. What we almost always get instead, says the coordinator of the program, is: “Thank You,” or, “WPAC saved my life, or my sanity.” That leads to the last session of each workshop, where the participants are asked to be responsible for a social that all those involved with the past five weeks are invited to. This is usually a potluck, or they chip in money to bring in pizza or something similar. Starting to socialize again is often a problem, but it is a necessary part of rebuilding their lives, and doing it with people they have gotten to know, and made some friends with over the past five weeks is an easy way to start.

WPAC runs these free six week Grief Recovery Workshops four time per year. The next one starts on Thursday, April 21st, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Signing up in advance is not necessary, but it gives them an ideal of how many to set up for, also if they have your phone number you will get a reminder call, usually the day before. The workshops takes place in their offices, at 2628 El Camino Avenue, Suite D-18 (the building in the back).

Widowed people do not have to wait for a workshop to start to get help. Every week WPAC has Sunday Support, a peer support group from 3 to 5 p.m., and it is also open to any widowed person.

Their website is: www.sacwidowed.org There are volunteers working in their office Monday through Friday, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. If you have questions, call (916) 972-9722, or stop by. Hugs are free they said.